Suite Life-London Tipton

Zack: I've got to get up to that camp!
London: Oh! I can drive you!
Maddie: What?!
London: I'll show Moseby how well I can do without him! C'mon!
Maddie: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, WHOA there big girl! You just drove through a building!London: But there are no buildings on the highway.
Maddie: True, but there are other cars and big trucks, and the occasional cute deer! This is not a good idea.
Zack: You're not going to tell anyone are you?
Maddie: Well, only if you do it.
Zack: GRAB HER!!(London and Zack drag Maddie off by her elbows.)
London: (When Esteban walks by) You saw nothing!
Esteban: Okay, have fun!
Maddie: You can't do this! The law requires you to have a responsible adult driver with you!(Cuts to the scene in London's car)
Muriel: Road Trip! Whoo-hoo!!
Maddie: Now Muriel, are you SURE you have a valid license?
Muriel: Oh, loosen up sweetcheeks, you're BUMMING US OUT!
Zack: London, can't you go any faster than 20 miles per hour?!
London: Why?
Maddie: Because we're on an interstate and people are passing us on bicycles.
London: I just want to get there and back in one piece!
Zack: I just wanna get there and back before I'm thirty!(Police car sirens)
Muriel: Uh-oh! It's the fuzz! Everyone act natural.
Maddie: How does someone who was forced in the middle of the night to drive down a busy interstate at ten miles an hour act natural?!
Muriel: You can start by shutting your yap!

Zack: Guys, I'm worried about cody. He's not answering his cell phone!
London: Maybe he's having fun.
Zack: Hello! We're talking about MATH CAMP!

Mr. Moseby: Why not? I helped you take your first steps across this very lobby!
London: In designer booties!
Mr. Moseby: I helped you roller skate and learn to ride a bike...
London: You're in our family album more than my father, or any of his ex-wives!

Moseby: Is the key in the ignition?
London: For over an hour now.
Moseby: Well, that's because you had to do your makeup. Twice.
London: Well, excuse me for trying to beautify the highway!

London: Daddy bought me a car to practice on. My friend Porscha is going to teach me.
Mr. Moseby: Do you mean the young lady who drove her father’s yacht through piers 10, 11, and 12?
London: She was putting on sunscreen.

London: Moseby, have you heard the good news?
Mr. Moseby: Yes. One of the twins is gone for 2 weeks. It's like falling in love.

London: Maddie, guess where moi is off to?
Maddie: Hopefully French class to learn another word than "moi".
London: No. I'm going to the D.M.V. to get my learner's permit.
Maddie: You're gonna learn to drive?!
London: Oh, it's easy! I've been watching my chauffeur do it for years! But I have to pass their silly test first! Here. (Puts a packet on the counter) Quiz me candy girl.
Maddie: Okay. Oh, here's one. (Reading from the packet) "When is it acceptable to park near a red curb?"
London: Well, if I'm wearing green, never. It would clash! Oh, unless it's christmas!
Maddie: You're gonna do great! GO!

Tapeworm: I have a calculator that runs on moonlight.
London: Oh, lets find out how rich I am!

London: Your in our family album, more than my father, or any of his Ex-wives.

London: Moseby.
Mr. Moseby: Mrs. Knievel.
London: (Gasp) Was that a slam on my driving?
Mr. Moseby: Please don't use the word "Slam."
London: I'll have you know I'm going to find a real driving teacher.
Mr. Moseby: Well, may I suggest a Hollywood stuntman or a former marine? You know, someone who's used to crashing through things.London: Look, I only crashed because you made me so nervous I couldn't tell up from down.
Mr. Moseby: Well, maybe you should be driving a POGO STICK!

Mr. Moesby: I suppose I have a slight tendency to be a bit critical.
Zack: Suppose?
Maddie: Slight?
Carey: Tendency?
London: A bit?

London: You making me nervous with all this technical talk!
Mr. Moseby: Oh I'm sorry! Why dont we just relax and put on the radio! Would you like AMMMMM or FMMMMMM?

Muriel: My grandson is very sick, so I'm rushing him to the hospital. (Maddie nudges Zack; Zack pretends to be sick)
Officer: (Referring to Zack) But he seemed fine before.
London: Oh, we stopped for chili cheese dogs on the road.
Officer: Oh, no, not Dirty Dan's!
London: That's the place.
Zack: (As part of the ruse, pretending to be sick and weak) Hurry Grandma! I think I can see the light!
London: No! Stay away from the light!

Mr. Moesby: Are you familer with the gear shift?
London: You mean the prndl?
Mr. Moesby: The what?
London: The prndl.
Mr. Moesby: Are you refering to the shift lever that says P-R-N-D-L?
London: I'm not a child Moesby, I know how to spell prndl.

London: I wonder how my life would be if I found the treasure? (a fantasy ripple starts up, but is interrupted by London) Oh, yeah. It would be the same.

London: (After landing in garbage) This is all your fault!
Esteban: Oh, you're right. It couldn't have been your fault because you didn't do anything. Nada!

London: Brilliant! You keep this up, and I'll trade your key ring in for a sports car, mister.
Esteban: But then I'll need the key ring.
Maddie: You guys are going to make a great team. Too bad you're looking in the wrong place. Okay, obviously, the heart refers to the Valentine room, and below that is the lounge.
Zack: I like the way you think, sweet thang.
Cody: You like anything she says, desperate thang.
Zack: Well, I'm going with Candy Girl.
London: And I'm going with Bell Boy here.
Cody: Well, wait a minute? Who's going with me?
Zack: Nobody, Calculator Boy.

London: This looking thing isn't that hard. It's actully kind of fun.
Esteban: Oodles.

Maddie: So London, where do you think the center of the hotel is?
London: Anywhere I am.


(after learning that there is no monetary treasure)
Esteban: Now I'll never own this hotel.
Maddie: And I'll never be the President.
Cody: I'll never win the Nobel Prize.
Zack: I'll never marry Maddie. (Maddie looks at him funny)
London: On the bright side, I'm still rich. Yay me!

Suite Life-London Tipton

Moseby: Now, what are you going to wear to the Father-Daughter dance? Something elegant and classic?
London: I'm thinking, tube-top and hot pants.
Moseby: Do we feel that is appropriate for a school dance?
London: We feel it is appropriate for a beach house, which is where I'll be when Daddy can't make it.
Moseby: I'm sure he'll be here. This is a Father-Daughter event...and he's the father part.
London: And here's the Daughter part, off to buy a bathing suit. Toodles.

London: (talk to producer) Ah, you're horrible. You're gonna kill the show. And actually you're too old to be dancer.
Maddie: That's not a contestant. That's a producer.
London: (to the producer) Kidding. Love your dress.
London: Why didn't you stop me?
Maddie: I didn't know you were gonna say something stupid.
London: (stare at Maddie)
Maddie: Okay, I did.London: Is that any way to talk to a friend you owe money to?
Maddie: You're right. I'm sorry. Can I get you anything?

Maddie: I'm busy.
London: You're too busy to hang out with someone lend you some money, someone who help your reality parents dream?
Maddie: Okay. So we'll do it tomorrow.
London: Oh, I'm busy. Do you mind pick up my dress cleaning? Didn't think so.
Esteban: Maddie, why did you let London treat you like a pack mule?
Maddie: I borrowed some money from her and I used it to buy some ticket for my parents' trip.

London: So If I give you the money, you'll go shopping with me?
Maddie: I can't let you give me that kind of money.
London: Why not? I got it right here.
Maddie: Well, I... Because I...I don't know when I'm going to pay you back.
London: Okay, don't worry about that. We can let it out. I just need someone who tell me how fabulous I look in my new suit.
Maddie: I'm your cow. Now I just have to get Moseby to let me off.
London: I'm your cow. (put the board "Closed" and wave to Mr. Moseby)
Moseby: (Wave back to London with a sad face.)
Maddie: Let's go.
London: After me. (Run in front of Maddie)

London: It's me. But I don't have any suit yet. Wanna go shopping with me and tell me what pelisse is fabulous on me?
Maddie: As tempting as that sound, I can't. See, I'm working over time to save money to a trip for my parent's anniversary. It's a honey moon they never had .
London: So do you want to shopping or what?
Maddie: No. All my brothers and sisters are tripping in. And if I don't come out with my serve in the weekend. That's not gonna happen.

London: But we were having so much fun.
Maddie: You were having fun, I was watching you have fun.
London: But what could be more fun?
Maddie: Hmm, root canal you don't need?

Maddie: London, money can't buy you friends. You make friends by being nice to people.
London: But that seems harder.
Maddie: No, no, no, no. It's really easy to say nice things to people. Watch. London, you are, uh...
London: Yes?
Maddie: This is hard. Oh, wait, got one. Deep down, I suspect you're a good person.
London: Aww, thank you.
Maddie: Uh, you're supposed to say something nice back.
London: Well, I said thank you.
Maddie: You're welcome.

London: Guess who's going to be a celebrity fashion judge at Go Dance, USA!
Maddie: Guess who doesn't care!

London: Well, how much do you need?
Maddie: $250. It's a lot of money.
London: It is?
Maddie: Yes, for people who work for a living.
London: That's so sad! People work all day to make that little?
Maddie: All week!

Maddie: (Hands London the money) Here you go.
London: Oh, I have money! I want a soda.
Maddie: No, this is the money I owe you. (Gives London the money and dances a circle around her) And now I'm free! I'm free! I'm free at last!


Max: We're toast.
Announcer: You're not toast. Your disqualified!
London: But your costumes get a ten! (Holds up sign with '01' on it)
Maddie: (Turns sign over to show a '10' and pats London's shoulder.)


Maddie: Uh, London, do you think you could talk to Moseby about getting the ballroom for our prom?
London: Sure.
Jeff: Thank you! You are awesome!
London: Oh, I love helping the poor and needy.
Mary: We are not a charity.
London: Have you seen what you're wearing?

London: Do you think some lame schol dance will make Jeff fall in love with you?
Maddie: No, that's why I need Maroon 5!
London: That is so completely superficial and shallow! I am so proud.

Maddie: London! Stop letting Jeff think your fabulous!
London: Is he rich?
Maddie: No, but he is sweet, kind, smart and funny!
London: Loser! Ugh, you can have him!

Maddie: London, I should have told you that you weren't a very good singer.
London: A very 'well' singer.

London: (Warming up higher and higher then screeches) Lalalalalalalalalaaaaaaaaaaaa
Mr. Moseby: Better and better everyday London....break a leg! (Walks up to Maddie) That way she won't be able to get up on stage.

(Water Works rehearsing)
Maddie: Staring out the window, the rain falls hard. Can't escape the feeling...
Maddie and London: I'm drowning now.
Maddie: Beneath the river- (stops when London runs into her)
London: Caught in the pouring rain of true...(goes off key and stops singing)

London: (Singing) You're the one I want, the only one I need, the only one for me!!!!
Lance: I think I lost sight in my right eye!
Mr. Moseby: Is something dying in here?
Maddie: Yes. Our chances of winning.

London: I don't like this tangerine!
Maddie: No that's a TAMBORINE! A tangerine is what the audience is gonna throw at you!

Maddie: Use your own mike.
London: Mine isn't working.
Maddie: Too bad (singing) the only one, yeah
London: But I'm supposed to sing.
Maddie: Not now! (Singing) the only one, yeah
London: Why not? (Takes mic from Maddie and sings badly) The only one!
Maddie: (Into microphone) Because you're a lousy singer!

London: What happened?
Lance: Uh..we're done the song is over.
London: How was I supposed to know?
Maddie: When everyone else stopped.

Suite Life-London Tipton

Maddie: London, your advice worked.
London: What advice?
Maddie: I got a date with Lance.
London: Well duh.

London: So, what are you gonna wear?
Maddie: I dunno, jeans.
London: Why don't you wear a sack over your head that says "Loser"?

London: Good news!
Maddie: Me too!
London: Me first! I got a C+ in math!
Maddie: That’s good news?
London: Yah! Thanks to you I passed! My daddy got me a plasma TV!
Maddie: Wow! When I get an A+ all I get is an extra slice of pie.
London: Is that your good news?
Maddie: No, no, no, no, no. I took your advice and broke up with Lance.
London: Yay! Now we are both happy.
Maddie:Yeah! Now you got a Plasma TV and...I don't have a boyfriend.

Maddie: Teach me to be mean!
London: Teach me to be smart!
Maddie & London: (hugging each other) Help me!

London: Who’s there?
Maddie: No one.
London: No one who? Is he cute?

London: What size are you? A 14?
Maddie: Yes. The same as your I.Q.!

London: When is he (her dad) going to realize that education and me just don't mix?
Maddie: Education and I.
London: HELLO! This isn't about you!

Maddie: I hate beauty pageants.
Carey: I know. I never won one, either.
Maddie: The point is, they reward girls for being shallow, plastic robots. What kind of superficial airhead thinks that's cool?
London: Isn't this cool?
Maddie: Oh, that kind.

Girl: What did you want to be when you were little, London?
London: A heiress. And I did it! Yay me!
Maddie: It takes a special kind of person to be born rich.
London: (Touched) Thank you!

Girl: So, do you know Orlando Bloom?
London: London's talking!

Maddie: Orlando Bloom likes smart girls. (Looks at the rest of the girls, they look at her.)Maddie: I know he does. I just know it! (Looks at girls again and leaves.)
London: He doesn't.

London: Esteban told me he gave you my Paris original. Where is it?
Zack: Paris?

London: But I'm not going alone... Maddie's coming with me. And face it, no-ones gonna have any real fun with her around.
Mr. Moseby: You do have a point.

Maddie: So we get to meet Usher?
London: Sweetie, Usher gets to meet us.

London: Give me my dress!
Cody: (Coming out of elevator) You told her we gave her dress to Maddie!?
Zack: (Giving Cody a look) No!
Cody: G-Good! Because we didn't do that!

London: I recycle too.
Kyle: Really?
London: I wore these pearls yesterday.

London: Gloss me.
Zack: Sorry, we're watching the counter for Maddie. We're not allowed to accept money, make change or touch any of the merchandise.
London: Is there anything you CAN do?
Cody: I can shove 12 gummie worms up my nose. You wanna see?

London: Take off my dress!

Maddie: London We have a problem.
London: What are you doing down here? You are supposed to be making balloon people for the animals.
Maddie: I've had it. Two of your guests bit me and one went tinkle on my leg.

Ilsa: Get this dog off of me!
London: (In a non-caring tone) No. Bad dog. Stop.

London: Here's a guest list for the party.
Mr. Moesby: I'll take care of it personally. (London leaves)
Mr. Moesby: Maddie, take care of it personally.

London: Ivana's(her dog) upset.
Maddie: Of course she is you put that stupid hat on her.

London: (To Maddie) When I become the owner of this hotel, you are so fired!!

Zack and Cody: (Singing) We're Rich! We're Rich! We're Rich! We're R...
Chuck: Not Quite! Not Quite! No one is getting into that wedding without a printed invitation.
London: Except for me. Little me, back from, Paris.Hello, Maddie
Maddie: Hi, London.
London: And look, while I was in Europe, you got promoted to candy girl. Brava!
Zack: How are you gonna get in?
London: My daddy owns the hotel, duh!(Zack and Cody get excited)
Zack: Can you get us in?
London: Of course...(Zack and Cody get more excited)
London: But I'm not going to, DUH! I fly solo.
Maddie: Oh, like the time you let yourself in the rockstar's room with the master key.
London: Johnny Ripp thought that was endearing. He even wrote me.
Maddie: That was a restraining order.

(When London and Zack are in the air vent)
London: Man, it stinks in here.
Zack: Sorry.

London: When I inherit this hotel, you are so fired!
Maddie: Please! You'll be too busy getting facelifts!